Teenage Girls Today

So, I was talking briefly with a friend of mine and learned that her daughter was ditching school for three weeks.  I’d come in on the tail end of the conversation where she was describing how she literally beat her daughter down to the ground with the police standing there.  She was telephoned the other day, informing her that they had her daughter [I guess] in custody.  She took off work to go to where they had her and she went off.  The police allowed her to beat her daughter for a cool 3-4 minutes before getting her off of her.  Her daughter is about 16 if not older.  I have a daughter, so I can understand how angry she was.

At 16 how can you think you are grown and can move out, and can do whatever you think you want to do when you can barely wipe your own butt good and can barely pass a class because you choose not to do the work.  No, it doesn’t work like that.  Life doesn’t work like that.  My daughter just turned 17 last Friday.  The rules in my house are simple.  Go to school.  Get good grades.  Do what you’re told.  Do what you are supposed to do.  Don’t have me to repeat myself in telling you to do something.  Keep your room clean.  Bathe regularly.  Clean up after yourself.  You don’t get your way so don’t even try it.  And the number one rule is “don’t disrespect me.”

Don’t get me wrong, she’s tried my patients more than one time, and each time I’ve had to snap her back into reality.  But the problem with today is that now you beat your kids, they are quick to want to call the police because the law has been so re-defined that beating your cannot be looked at as discipline anymore without crossing the lines of child abuse.  Basically the law is saying that we should spare the rod to save the child and let that child act a natural fool.

If you’ve noticed that a child who has never been disciplined is the child who gets away with murder and does whatever because the parents take a blahsay attitude to whatever they do, slap them on the wrist and send them on their whenever they misbehave or get into trouble, and they are left to clean up the mess.  I don’t know about you, but every person I’ve ran across with a child that’s never been disciplined has an unruly child you don’t want around you and your family.

So, why is it that peer pressure is still strong in schools today?  The idea of doing whatever you want is very tempting and attractive, especially to girls who are feeling their way through the teenage years.  They are faced with so much; sex, drugs, alcoholism, teen pregnancy that they don’t realize the consequences of their poor decisions and actions once they head down that path.  But here’s the thing…if you’re a good parent and you’ve done nothing but warned your daughter about what could happen if they defied you and they insisted on going down the wrong path, who do you think they are going to call?

I’ve had to go upside my daughter’s head a few time for thinking she could come up against me.  I work too hard to take any crap off of a child.  The first time she thought she could go against me was when she was in 6th grade.  I don’t know what came over her.  She did so poorly in school that I thought it was because of my second job I had at the time, so I quit the second job to be home more and to help her get on top of her school, but she kept spiraling downward to where she got three “FAILS” and a bunch of U’s that I was flabbergasted.  I was dumbfound.  We took away the cell phone, computer (except for homework) and television.  When she went on a crying frenzy because she couldn’t have her phone back and started mouthing off I told her point blank, and I quote (because I remember it like it was yesterday), “If you don’t like living here you can pack your sh*t and  get the hell out of my house and go stay with one of those b*tches you call friends and see which one of them will let you live with them and see how long they’re going to let you pull this mess with them.”  From that point I didn’t have that level of trouble out of her because I meant business, and it quitted all that noise, too.

Another time I had with her was when I had been telling her to stop talking back.  The girl wouldn’t shut up.  She just kept going and going like an Energizer battery.  I slapped her in the mouth, handed her the phone and told her to call the police.  And then told her I was going to beat her ass once I got out of jail from slapping her in the mouth.  That ended that mess, too.

The only other time I put my hands on her was when I had told her to take a bath.  The water was ran and ready.  I was in the room on my laptop and noticed I had heard no movement.  I get out of bed, go check on her and she’s going to sleep.  Oh, hell no! I thought.  I told her I had told her to take a bath and the water was ready.  She had the nerve to try and negotiate when she was going to take a bath.  No. I said take a bath and that’s what I meant.  I dragged her out of bed, dragged her to the bathroom, and stood but she wouldn’t get undressed.  She kept crying, trying to negotiate because she just didn’t want to take that bath. As it was I had been telling her for a week to take it.  She kept trying to negotiate to get out of it and then she started smart talking me, so I jammed up her up against the wall and held her there…she got underessed, got in that tub and got her bath.  And I told her if I saw an ounce of dirt on her she was taking another one.

I don’t play when it  comes to my household and education.  She can tell you at first hand I don’t mess around.  If you’re a single parent and you’re hard at work trying to take care of your children and run a household the last thing you need is kids acting like they can do whatever they want without recognizing the consequences that comes with the territory.  So, yeah, I support my friend getting down in her daughter’s behind.  Because I look at it like this, it could have a totally different scenario that the police were calling her.  They could have been calling to say they found her daughter dead.  So that little girl better thank her lucky stars that she’s alive and that she’s got a momma who cares enough about her to go that extreme just to make her realize what she took her through.

Having children is a beautiful thing.  It’s when they grow up that it because a whole new job.

So, What’s Going On

Saturday I had to run a couple of errands.  Go to my mom’s, go to the post office, take my daughter to Starbucks, and then run to the grocery market.  I was cooking pork chops and cabbage later that afternoon, so the timing had be done just right to get back to the house before 4:00 pm.  At the market I ran into two of my ex-husband’s friends.  We all became mutual acquaintances.  It was hugs all the way around. And the last time they saw my daughter, she was about a year old, so it had been 16 years since they saw her.  Sean told me my ex-husband is doing a lot of weird stuff, which is no surprise from what I had previously heard. However, they didn’t know that he had re-married.  How did he keep that a secret when she’s all over his page.  The question of bigamy came up. Yep, that’s what it is because there are no legal documents filed stating we are divorced.  Paul is still silly as ever.  Still got that boyish face.  Sean was always a big boy, so it was no surprise that he’s still a big boy.  It was fun catching up with them.  I hope to see them around Facebook.

That night, as cold as it was, I got out the house for the evening.  Ventured down to Inglewood from where I live, which is Korea Town.  Anybody who knows the areas knows it’s near where El Cholos Mexican Restaurant is located.  The Savoy Entertainment Nightclub is home to Inglewood party goers, where many travel from other locations just to spend a night in an environment of wall to wall people.  It was supposed to be the Black on Black Holiday Winter party but with so many other events going on, it was hard to tell where the attendees of that event were.

First of all, I arrived twenty minutes to ten not really expecting there to be too much of a crowd.  Boy, was I wrong.  Just after I crossed Manchester, I noticed a long line stretching down towards the other end of the block.  There was almost no street parking, so I had to turn around and go back across Manchester to park at the corner.  It was freezing cold, so you know I had to break out my long black sweater to fight off the temperature. I was wearing a one shoulder, long sleeve dress and black glitter  5 1/4 high heel shoes.  Standing in line was not my idea.  I braved it though.  After all, I had not driven all that way just to have to turn around and go back home and waste a brand new dress and shoes.  Once I got to the door I ended up having to pay $15 to get in.  So much for the “free before 10:00 p.m.”  And there was so much conflicting information going around before I got to the door that it nearly had my head swimming in the frigid cold air. One girl said, “it’s $40 a head.”  I looked at her like she was crazy.  That would have been enough for me to turn around and go home, for go to one of the other night spots not far from where I was.

I was surprised to see how many of the ladies there wore no coats, sweaters or jackets…just for the purpose of showing off their outfits.  Ok, some of them looked good, but at the risk of catching the flu, I covered up to stay somewhat warm.  This one girl — I tell you — I guess she was so much in love with herself that she didn’t care what anybody thought. She was on the heavy side and had on a strapless, super short, green dress and it had pockets.  Upon closer look of the dress, I realized it looked just like my black dress in every detail.  Did she do the dress justice for her size?  I’m not saying a word, all I can say is more power to her.  The dresses some of these women wore were like rubber bands and band aids…meaning, they were wearing very little clothing and I thought, “Ok, then maybe my dress will fit right in line with what these other women are wearing.”  Because the dresses, shorts and skirts I saw some of those women wearing was so short you could see the cracks of their asses.  I mean, hey, if that’s what they like to wear out, then more power to them.  I’m 44, weigh about 160, had a baby, gone through some weight issues, so I know body shapers and girdles are in full affect when I’m going out for the evening and looking my best is important.  My dresses and skirts come just above my knee — sorry I don’t do super short otherwise my boyfriend will have plenty to say.  I have to stick with what’s “age appropriate” because Lord knows I can’t be out there dressing like I’m in my 20′s.  Can’t pull that off.  Mid 30′s, probably.

Inside the club, there was this one girl who had on a purple and white handkerchief dress, grinding on a speaker.  At first I thought she was just dancing…NOPE!  She was literally grinding on that speaker, getting her jones on.  It amazed me at her boldness.  To the left of me, there was this curvy girl dancing, she was so low down to the floor dancing, that her junk was hanging out for everybody to see.  At that point I was ready to leave.  Back to the right of me, a slow song had come on and this guy and girl was up against that same speaker grinding each other.  I thought for sure they were having sex.  And no body stopped it!  Security was all over that section and didn’t say a word.  I decided I needed a drink.  I had to.  I need to get a little crossed eyed in case something else shocked me.

This one guy asked me to dance, but I could not hear a word he was saying, even when he was whispering in my left ear.  Now, my left ear is functioning at about 75% capacity if not lower, so I had to turn to my right ear to see if I could hear him.  Nope. Not a word.  He pointed to the dance floor, “Oh, you want to dance?”  I asked.  Ok, so we dance through two songs, that was it for me.  He was a much older gentleman, had a two step beat.  Wasn’t exciting, but I obliged him nevertheless.  Went back to my standing point — all this was after I had the drink…Chardonnay to be exact.  I was driving along so I had to keep it light and to a minimum of just one.  There were a couple of other guys I danced and laughed with, much younger, but they kept me company and I ended up having a blast.  Didn’t get to party with my girl, Tania, but I’m sure one day that time will come.

I ended up leaving the club at about 12:45 am.  I stopped at 7-Eleven to have a snack on the ride home.  Gave a dollar to a guy who was standing out at the door, told him to take care of himself.  He had the compliments rolling about how good he thought I looked.  Uh, huh!  Thank you very much and that’s where I left it.  No going home with me, dude.  The temperature must have dropped even lower because I swear it felt like Hell froze over ten times.  I couldn’t wait to get home, get out of those clothes, get into some warm PJ’s, get a hot cup of coffee, crawl under the blankets and get warm.

Sunday (yesterday) I hung out with my daughter in mine and my boyfriend’s bedroom.  She and I always have good laughs.  We have deep discussions.  We talk about everything from her friends, what’s going on at school, to deeper issues like relationships, having kids, getting a job, and saving money.  She’s only 16 (17 next week), but she is far more mature than some give her credit for.  I tell her she is wise beyond her years, and that comes from talking to her on a level that makes her understand as she gets older.  I never gave her that ga-ga-goo-goo talk.  That’s not the way to communicate to a child.

About 2:00 pm I decided to walk down to one of the boutiques to get a pair of brown leggings.  Good thing I did because they only had one pair.  Plus I had to break a $20 bill to get lunch money for my daughter, then I walked across the street to the other boutique to get this dress I’d been crying over.  My credit card didn’t work so I dashed  out the store, stopped to get some coffee for home, then got home to get to my laptop to check the balance.  It was the card…so I dashed back out the house, stopping at an ATM, ran back to the boutique and got the dress.

This dress was certainly worth the fuss.  I first saw it on Saturday, but then I was told I couldn’t buy it because I already had a dress that I was going to wear when I went out Saturday night.  But, come on, look at it.  You can’t tell me this is not a dress worth making a fuss over.  This was just $24.99, and if you get it from Promgirl.com, you’re going to pay $99 for it.  Really?  The boutique only had five left.  Four mediums and one small.  I took a chance to get the medium and it fit.  I was surprised, too.

Why this dress?  I love the simplicity of it.  The trim detail is beautifully set and I like the long sheer sleeves.  To me, it’s very elegant in its simple design.  It is fully lined and has a light cowl neckline.  It was going to drive me crazy had I not got this dress.  This is what I’ll be wearing New Year’s Eve if I don’t find a beige or ivory chiffon dress to wear with the multi-color high heel sandals I have.

Oh, last week I got a Christmas card from one of my cousins, Daron.  This is probably the second or third time I got something from him.  It’s more like an update on what his family is doing.  There was a picture a Darje’, D’Aron, and…his name escapes me, so when I get home and get the picture, I’ll add his name.  They are triplets, turning 16 next month in January.  I don’t know why he thinks I need to know what his family is doing.  His kids are my cousins, true, but I don’t know them.  It’s like that for my entire family.  I have cousins I have never met, and I have cousins I choose to not know because their mother’s are bitches (excuse my language), that’s just the way it is.  I am disassociated from my family because of how they act and how they behave on a regular basis.  It’s not an environment I want my daughter growing up in so I keep her as far away from it as possible. Does it bother me that I have no contact with me?  It should, but it doesn’t.  Out of all the cousins I have, I talk to two and that’s rare.

So, my sister is coming home to visit from New York on Christmas day.  Not sure how long she’s going to stay, though.  Still trying to get her to resend me her itinerary.  She’s busy with work so I don’t press it.  We still have time before she has to take off. Mom is all excited.  Gearing up to cook this huge meal for us.  I’m talking about a cherry glazed ham, potato salad, turkey neck dressing, burbon Bar-b-q turkey legs, hot butter biscuits, some vegetables, and I think a butter pound cake for dessert.  Delicious!!!

Anyway, it’s Monday.  A little over one week left before my daughter’s birthday and two weeks before Christmas.  Still have to get the tree, a few things for my daughter for her birthday and Christmas, and something for my boyfriend.  Who’s my Santa Claus?  I don’t have one.  It’s another year that I’m playing Santa Claus for everybody else.   Am I happy about it?  Not really, but what can you do?  Well that’s about it for now.  I hope you had a good weekend.

Strange Encounters

So, yesterday, my day was kind of strange but in a good, funny kind of way. It started with me not being able to immediately find the pants I wanted to wear, so I had to quickly create a plan B. I wore the boots you see in the picture and my beige sweater dress which comes just a few inches above my knees. Really makes the boots stand out, I guess.

I took an afternoon walk after I ate my lunch at work and while walking past the Ross parking lot I literally got stopped by this Latino woman and her friend in a car coming out the parking because she wanted to tell me how much she loved my outfit, where I got my boots, and how beautiful she thought I was. It caught me by surprise. Me? Beautiful? I was like, “‘Wow!!!” She could tell she caught me off guard and we all started laughing. I thanked her very much, wished her a wonderful rest of her day and we all went on our way.

Ok, then after I picked up Chris from her stop we went to the Food for Less on Western and Venice. I had noticed a police car coming into the parking lot off of 18th Street. I didn’t think anything about it. She and I went into the store…we were only in there no longer than fifteen minutes then we came out. Coming out the store, this lady shouted how much she liked my boots. I smile and thanked her (understand they are nearing two years old come the end of this month). The same police car was coming back around and going down the aisle we were parked on while we were walking to the car. We went across Venice to Goodwill’s parking lot. This police car pulled up along side me while I was waiting for a parking space, and had me to stop the car and turn if off. Because I can’t open the window, I slowly opened the door to hear what he had to say. I got nervous and thought I’d done something wrong. Thought I’d committed a moving or traffic violation I was starting to panic because Lord knows I can’t afford one of those expensive tickets. So as I slowly opened the door, before I could ask if I’d done something wrong, he proceeded to ask me about my boots.

Ok, now that threw me for a loop. My boots? He said he saw me over at Food for Less walking to the car. I was like, “What? My boots?” Before I knew it I just started laughing. He said and I quote, “they are the biggest and baddest boots I’ve ever seen. Are they comfortable?” He proceeded to say he thought I looked very nice. I politely thanked him and he went on his way. Now that’s what I call a stalker move there to follow me from the Food for Less parking lot over to Goodwill or because he saw me pull into the lot, I don’t know which, but all in all that’s never happened to me before. And what’s ironic is I’ve worn this particular outfit a few times before and never got that much attention if any. What was different yesterday about it? I told Chris the officer stopped me just to ask about my boots. She literally jumped out the car and disappeared into Goodwill. She’d had enough of the boots saga.

The outfit I had on yesterday was very similar to the photo seen here.  Except the sweater dress I had on yesterday was beige, had a swoop neckline and short sleeves and little pockets towards the bottom of the dress.

Parenting 101: Bathing & The Girl

So, can someone tell me what is the big deal about “not” wanting to take a bath?  Oh my God, it seems that every time bath time comes up on our house it’s always up for discussion and I end up having panic attacks, my blood pressure goes, I’ve got headaches because my now 16 year old daughter wants to debate the issue every single time when in fact, it would save both us the stress, the screaming back and forth and the tears if she’d just do what “she” knows she is supposed to do rather than having me come off looking like the bad guy because I’m pulling her away from what she is doing which she’s made it up in her mind that what she’s doing is more important than what I’m asking.

Come on!!!  Really?  Do we need to do this all the time?  To be honest, I start off being very nice about it giving her the benefit of the doubt that she’ll jump up and go do it.  The problem comes when I have to go back 2 and 3 and even 5 and 6 times telling her to get her bath.  And what’s worse is what I ask of her is really not all that much in comparison to what I know I could be telling her to do.  I am the sole provider of the household, meaning, I buy all the food, cook all the meals, pay all the bills, tend to all her school needs, pay the rent, pay the car insurance, buy all her clothes and shoes, lose sleep when she’s sick, leave work whenever I can to pick her up from school when she’s sick, make sure she attends school functions, I do it all and it pains me that the littlest thing I tell her to do she can’t do and gives me grief over it.

The screaming and yelling is just ridiculous.  It’s like the more I talk the stupider I sound.  But as I’ve learned early on it’s all apart of parenting.  As mothers we take the good with the bad and deal with the growing pains that comes with being a teenager.  I pay close attention to her attitude and behavior the ensure it’s not being influenced by here peers because one thing I can recall my mother telling my sister and I is, “don’t let your ass write out a check it can’t cash,” meaning, “leave your friends’ habits’ where they’re at…don’t bring them home because I’m not having it.”  And it makes a lot of sense.

The thing with becoming a teenager is that their interests tend to change.  The focus tends to be redirected if not paid attention to and some of these girls today seem to think they can do whatever they choose including talking to their parents any way they want.  We are living in a time where the next generation is definitely a new species.  They think they know it all and we as mothers knows absolutely nothing.  And the mothers that really put in the work to raise their children to the very best they can are the ones who get kicked in the teeth, but the upside to it is they always have to come home.  Regardless of what they may want to believe, at some point they have to come back.

I emphasize the importance of bathing for several reasons with the main ones being practicing good hygiene and skin care.  With her having a boyfriend I spell out why she needs to make sure she bathes regularly.  I do not want her on the end of an ugly rumor about body order or bad skin.  I’ve been there and they rumors were unfounded and totally untrue.  But in case, there is evidence that she doesn’t want to bathe or shower regularly thinking she has “more important things to do,” which she has yet to understand the health risk she’s taking.  No, a bird bath does not and cannot take the place of bathing and showering under no circumstances.

She tells me if I think it’s such a problem constantly chasing after her about things she is supposed to do then I should stop, but then if I did that I’d be looked at as a bad parent and I am not about to go down that road.  I’ve worked too hard to get where I am and I am not about to stop now.

How did I resolved the issue?  Well after about 11:00 pm I noticed she shut down to go to bed and still hadn’t gotten that bath.  I politely went in there and told her to get her bath.  She said she wasn’t going to be able to get up for school, I said I really didn’t care.  I’d been telling her since 5:00 pm that evening to take her bath.  I got upset, she got upset, I’d said some choice words which I later apologized for, but I did not apologize for making her take a late bath.  I’d gone from trying to be nice about to acting like the biggest bitch.  I had to remind her what my role was and why it was so important for her to do like I asked.  She felt that by pissing me off she felt like the biggest f*** to me which I had to reassure her that I never felt that way about her and those words would never ever come out of my mouth because I love her too much to put my own child down like that.  I let her know that it just upsets me when with all that I do for the household I can’t get her to do the littlest thing.  I hoped she was on the same page as I was because I wasn’t prepared to have that kind of conversation again.

Anyway, I couldn’t go straight to bed.  My nerves were too riled up.  But I love my daughter with all my heart and soul and I hope she knows that no matter how upset I get with her, my love for her will never change.  My message to mothers of teenage girls, love them, be there for them, steer them in the right direction, guide them down the right path and never ever put them down no matter how many mistakes they  make.  Punish them when they need to be punished, but remind them of how much you love them.  Tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

Going, Going…Write!

Working to complete, “Imperfections:  Of Life Divine,” turned out to be a bigger job than I anticipated. 

Along this journey in doing so, I managed to become a contributing writer for Daily Fashion Juice and, launching in July, The Haute Gossip.  I’m exciting about these opportunities because I have a chance to put my writing abilities and creativity to the test and get closer to the fashion industry.

I am excited to be writing for both of these blogs because of the exposure this can offer me as contributing writer, and it gives me tons to do in terms of thinking through the types of articles I can write, photos I can submit, and the overall opportunity to share this with my friends and family, while creating a nice writing portfolio.

So, this is what I’ve been up to late.  The third poetry installment is still in full swing of being complete, it’s just a matter deciding where I want to publish it once it’s complete.  One avenue I can take is going back to Lulu.com where they offer free publishing unless you want to register an ISBN number and other services they offer, but that is one resource I still have available to me.

I’ll keep everyone posted.  You can get a sneak preview of some of the poems if you go to my blog, Poetic Flow.

Video Poem: Return from Hopelessness

Return From Hopelessness

By Rene’ Rivers

Worried Writer: Not Easy Being an Author

I’m not usually worried about what I write because I’m basically just writing it for myself.  It’s when I have to write for others or working frantically to finish a book project for possible publication, that I get worried sick.

So, right now I’m working on an autobiography.  Basically I constructed the book around how I grew up, my life’s experiences, lessons I’ve learned, places I’ve travelled to, being a mother, striving to be a successful entrepreneur, family adventures and events, health issues, and other going ons as well as providing some helpful and insightful information I thought would be helpful to others reading the book. 

I’ve rewritten the book for an easier flow.  Mostly to correctly chronicle events as they happened.  Made more sense so the reader could follow along without thinking I was jumping all over the place.  Of course, I had to agree I wouldn’t shed no negative light on anyone, stemming from our living in an not-so-easy-to-forgive nation.  Oh well.

Being an author is not easy.  You have to have a good story that will hold a reader from cover to cover.  If they can real an abstract of a story and not immediately fill excited and can’t wait to read the book, it’s a dead book, and that just comes from a story I submitted on East of the Web over five years ago.  Oh my god, the read reviews I got were not what I expected, but then I went back and re-read it and was like, “Ugh!  I wrote that?  What was I thinking?”  It was too much of run-around type story that was all over the place.  The character was weak, the story line was poor, it was awful.  But then that’s where I learned in terms of how to be a good author.  Looking at what others wrote, how they constructed their story line, how they built up their characters. 

But you get good stories, too, from personal reflections, crime stories you hear broadcasted, articles and reports you follow that deliver a good story line.  It makes for good crime writing.

What’s to come from my writing I hope to be a well delivered author with my autobiography and my novel soon to follow.