So You’re Thinking About Getting Married for the 2nd Time Around

No one wants to ever experience a failed marriage.  Something about that sometimes leaves a sour taste in their mouths that the thought of going through that experience again makes them bitter to the end.  Photo from Since My Divorce.

Then again, it creates that “The 3rd Time is the Charm” attitude that keeps them in the market for searching for that perfect marriage made from Heaven.

I know someone who was with his girlfriend for over 10 years before he finally married her.  To me that says they knew everything about each other that there was to know.  This was both their first marriage.

But what about those people who are jumping back on the saddle to do it the second time around?  do you know everything there is to know about your soon-to-be spouse?  Can you say you know everything there is to know about him/her?  Are you still finding out things that you probably should have known early on?  I always say that a year of dating is not enough to say you’re ready to marry that person.  Regardless of how much you say love them or how great you believe the chemistry is, dating for one year is just not enough because you may find out well after the fact that you married a serial killer or a rapist, or a pedophile, or a chronic cheater.

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 25 years and have lived together for 17.  Now I can say we know more about each other now than we ever have before.  And if marriage ever became a subject, we wouldn’t have any problems because we have gone through just about everything we could go through and have experienced everything we could experience — and in our old age, we both concluded that tricks are for kids.

If you’re making the block for the second time to head down that aisle to say “I DO!” you want to make sure this is a journey that will be worth taking.  Keep one thing in mind that this is the rest of your life not the rest of every one else life.  If they can’t wrap their mind around you wanting to marry the one you’re with, tell them in a nice and polite manner to go screw themselves.  You have to make the bed you lay in not them.

And who knows, this second marriage just may turn out to be the fantasy you have always wanted to live.

Here are some little tips to keeping your second marriage alive and strong:

• Maintain open communication.  Talk about everything there is to talk about even right down to how bad the finances may be to the things that upset the both of you.  It can make for a healthy relationship down the stretch.
• Never go to bed mad.  Trust me…you’ll wake up just as mad as you did the night before.  Makeup sex is everything people say it is because you end up forgetting what it was you were mad about, unless it was something super serious, then makeup sex can only fix a very short percentage of your being pissed off.
• Be honest.  Don’t keep secrets in your new marriage.  Be open and honest about everything regardless of how embarrassing you think it may be or how hurtful you think it may be.  Deal with issues head on rather than trying to sweep them under the carpet or hide them in the closet.  If you’ve already got skeletons in your closet, why add to them.
• Keep your sex life interesting.  Ok, this is for the ladies…you’ve heard the saying, “a woman outside, but a freak in the bedroom,” right?  There is truth to that.  We all know that a man likes to keep it fun and exciting by trying different things unless he’s dead below the waistline.  Be open to trying different things like positions, locations, toys, and the occasional adult movie.  Trust me, there is nothing wrong with toys and adult movies being involved in your sex life.  They can be quite the turn on and can add just as much fun and excitement.  Role playing is fun, too, because you get to wear different costumes, become a different person, and it is very kinky.  I have heard a lot of people who have actually enjoyed doing role playing, and do it quite often.  Ladies, don’t get mad if your new husband asks you to try different things or to watch an adult movie every now and then.  Don’t take it as an offense because it is actually quite complimentary to the idea of keeping that spark going.
• Get out and do things.  Having activities you do on a regular basis keeps the togetherness balanced, in my opinion.  Agree on places you both like to go and things you like to do.  Ladies, it’s not always about you so be fair.  Be open to doing things he likes to do and he’ll be just as open to wanting to do things you like to do.  And come up with something that is a mutual agreement of what you both enjoying doing as a whole that can be that one regular thing you do together.  It can be going to a night club, picking a day of the week that is your movie theater night, or picking a time of the year that you take a trip.  Whatever it is, make it mutual and have fun doing it.  You want to enjoy each others time as much as possible.
• Help each other out.  This is a sensitive issue because there is nothing more important than being there for each other.  Helping each other when a time arises.  If you have each others back from beginning to end, you have a strong marital relationship that others will no doubt envy.
• Fighting doesn’t solve anything.  If you get angry with each other and it escalates to something more than you want it to, before it gets physical, and talking is not working, seek counseling.  He should never put his hands on you and visa-verse you should never put your hands on him.  Nothing should ever escalate to physical fighting or verbal abuse.  It’s not worth the long-term pain and suffering.
• Always remember to be happy.

These are just a few that stand out in my mind for those who are working their way down the aisle to marital bliss for the second time around.  Make it the last time you’ll have to do it.

Live. Love.Laugh.